Kagan ' s nomination, the right/left divide, and the promise of ' no homo '

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President Obama's Solicitor General and Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan, is obviously brilliant.  A star in college and law school, a professor and then Dean of Harvard Law, and only 49 years old. Kagan is also a lightening rod for the left and right.  On the left, Kagan is painted as too conservative because of her support for increasing executive power and some of the policies of the Bush war on terror (like indefinite detention of prisoners).  On the other hand, the right-wing media describes Kagan as too radical, an "anti-military loon" and someone who will be an "activist judge." At this point in American politics, there seems no way to avoid these moments of "same planet, different worlds."  After all, who can really trust anyone with power- from the Left, Right or Center?    But perhaps Kagan's nomination and the entire country would be a less divided place if "no homo" became official policy. Part of Kagan's public image problem is that she stopped military recruiters from recruiting at the Harvard Law School because of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.  Although the Solomon Act would seem to demand that military recruiters be allowed on campus, Harvard Law School policies demand that no groups that discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation be allowed to recruit. The answer to Kagan's problems and the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" fiasco would be a new policy of "No Homo."  No homo is what you say after you do something really gay to stop anyone from thinking that you are in fact gay.  So let's say you put in too much hair product or  have sex with someone of the same gender, you can just punch fists and say "no homo" afterwards and no one has to be gay because of it.  Watch this video to find out more.  [youtubevid id="TBkYdUgl3-M"] If the military would just change "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" to "No Homo" then soldiers can have sex with whomever they want and even marry whomever they want as long as they say "ho homo" afterwards. I can see the wedding vows now: two beautiful young women in white dresses lovingly committing themselves to each other in wedded bliss and then, by the power vested in the officiant by the state, being forced to end with the words "I do and No Homo." In that way, the military would stay straight as would marriage, the political leadership, religious leaders who hang out with male prostitutes and everyone else, even Kagan herself . That's right.  Even Kagan's personal life would be of little importance if she would just say "no homo" when asked about it.  According to some reports,

Elena Kagan is a very private person and according to reports she has never been married. Described by Supreme Court analyst Jeffrey Toobin as “very much an Obama type person, a Democrat,” Kagan is rumored to be a lesbian.

Although that last sentence is confusing and seems to imply that an Obama type person is also a lesbian, none of this would be important if Kagan would just say "Let me just say, I don't have a husband and 'no homo.'" And so, as the Obama administration gears up to get Kagan's nomination through the Senate, they should reflect seriously on the promise of "no homo" for uniting this country and putting us all back on the straight and narrow while simultaneously allowing for a multiplicity of sexual,romantic and even political affiliations to flourish.