Darling, now that you're bleeding, we're going to have a party to celebrate it and invite all your friends and your aunts and grandmother too."According to the Menarche PartiesR'Us, buying their products and downloading their activities will "create a life time of memories for your daughter" and "make this time easier and more meaningful for both the young lady beginning menstruation and her parents." All you have to do to get this happiness and wellbeing is buy the marchhe party pack, which includes paper plates, cuts, a "loot bag" invitations, pin the ovaries game, menstrual trivia game, and sanitary napkins (as party favors???). So for less than $30, a lifetime of memories are pretty much guaranteed- memories of humiliation, a mother so out of sync with the reality of middle school that she invited your friends to this thing, and a rather ridiculous sense that we are all sisters. The truth is, our bodies are a mess. Some girls will bleed at 11 for the first time, others at 15. Some will have horribly painful cramps and health-threatening flows and others will barely notice when they bleed. And some girls will never bleed at all. In fact, because of the messiness of human bodies, 2-5% of young girls are intersexed and may or may not menstruate. Add the messiness of bodies to the messiness of modernity and you have huge numbers of women who no longer menstruate. In the past couple of decades, the pill has revolutionized the way many women bleed.. Not only do many women not experience a full period on the pill, but more and more women are taking high doses of the pill and other forms of birth control to avoid bleeding all together. That's right- menstruation is about as old-fashioned as an 8-track tape player, an idea examined in Period: The End of Menstruation? I know, I know. Women and girls have been made to feel shame and disgust with their bodies. These parties are an attempt to reverse that shame by celebrating femaleness. I get it. I have friends who bury their menstrual blood each month in "Mother Earth" to mark the "sacredness" of this event. But let's face it. You cannot counter millennia of misogyny with a product nor event the social event organized around the consumption of that product. Nor can you counter it by embracing your inner goddess and giving thanks to Gaia for your period (although at least that's free). Instead, ending misogyny takes the dismantling of the structures that create it- patriarchy, of course, but also the consumer capitalism that relies on inducing self-hatred in order to sell us stuff to make us hate ourselves less. So although I think we can all agree that a party game of pin the ovaries would be fun, it ain't the revolution.